Evil, Evil English Ivy

Who in their right mind uses English Ivy for a landscaping tool? Well, OK, OK, there are large areas that often need erosion control or cheap landscaping. With regular maintenance, you can sort of keep it under control.

What I'm talking about is small yards, as in residential, and frackin' ENORMOUS English Ivy growth. This is the second time I've had to deal with some previous owner/tenant's bad idea of planting this vile weed - both times it was a neighbor who planted the stuff.

This time, the infestation has gone unchecked for apparently a very long time. The first time I attempted to whack back the vines coming over the fence, I was certain the only thing holding the fence up was the vine itself. The awful ivy has very nearly destroyed the fence entirely. It's leaning quite dramatically into our yard and has obviously rotted planks where the vine was thickest. At one point I pulled out a nearly perfectly preserved garter snake carcass. From the noise in there at night, I'm sure possums and rats feel right at home there.

I got tired, that first time, and gave up without approaching the forest growing atop the fence. So, recently, when I resumed battle against the enemy, I had better tools and....a ladder. I'm whacking away up there when I get to the section of the fence that's leaning sharply due to the great weight on top of it. Under the leaves I find the ivy creature's brain. It's the only explanation I can give for the heavily - and I mean heavily - intertwined ivy. It's vaguely roundish and roughly the size of couple of king size pillows. It must be heavy - there's nothing in there but stem. No leaves or air pockets.

I have taken a stab at it, but I've only made a minor dent. I think I need to post a picture of this thing, so stay tuned for pictures. I gave up! It got dark and I just can't imagine the tools I'd need to go at it. I'm afraid a chain saw would skip and jump and generally be dangerous. Right now, the only option I see is a sharp axe. Then, I'm concerned that the impact up there would crumple the fence below - right on top of me and my ladder.

It finally occurred to me that the whole thing, while technically my problem to deal with, was NOT my problem to cure. The lazy landlord will eventually have to get off her tushy and rip the fence down, destroy the vine and rebuild the fence. So, until we move out, all I need do is whack the growth back regularly and put up with how ugly it is.

One other thing I discovered in my most recent assault was that my neighbor from whom all things viney issue, originally covered the entire side of his fence with chicken wire. Presumably to encourage the stuff to grow. It boggles the mind.